The Thing I Dislike

Today, I am thinking about this one peculiarity.

Ok, so lets be rational here. I like to know everything. So, obviously, it is a big damper on me when I cannot know everything. I hate not knowing what people think. I'm not going to lie, I do think what people think about me. I probably think about what other people think about me more than I think about myself. Why? It's not that I am ruled by society, but I am generally curious.

I have come to the consensus that I am an observer. It's completely obviously. I can tell that when people look at me, but don't actually look at me, they are hiding something. That when people see me walking in the halls, just by their gestures, I can 97% of the time figure out what they are saying.

So, why be subtle? Does lowering your voice really help when you are mouthing the words quite openly and looking in different directions to make sure no one is overhearing?

People frustrate me because I don't know what they think.


ON THE POSITIVE:

I honestly think that everyone has some sort of good in them. Sometimes people will surprise you. They set the pretense of having a solid personality, but when the moment strikes, their true passionate colors show the world exactly who they are, in the positive way.

ON THE GREATER POSITIVE:

I have moved on from hating this person to just feeling pity for them. I'm truly sorry that you had to fuck me to get over your last boyfriend or you had to fuck me so I am not a novice with someone who actually matters. I'm truly sorry that you are 2 of my best friend's best friend, and I am truly sorry that you have to deal with the twinge of guilt inside of you for taking advantage of someone's heart. I am truly sorry that you might see me in the halls one day, totally disregarding your presence, because you fail to be an adult and confront personal issues. I'm sorry you don't realize how much you hurt me. But now, after 6-7 tremulous months after our first encounter, I can safely say that I have moved on. I'm ready to see other people. I'm ready to put myself out there.

The only reason it took so long was because the last time I put myself out there, you obliterated me.