My Intentions

I've never written a blog before. I never thought I would be a blogger. But I always wanted to try it out.

The purpose of this blog is for me to just express myself, my life, my everything. The thoughts that I am thinking, the inspirations I gain from everyday life, the morals that guide me through life... all in the form of a blog.

Forgive the introduction; I thought it was appropriate.

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Today, I am bored.

I've been put through perpetual depression these past few weeks. It seems as if when my romantic affairs are finally on track, they are actually derailed, heading opposite of the direction. And what is even more ludicrous is that I am still following these train tracks, because I can't help myself.

Last Saturday, I witnessed probably the most depressing and horrible 40 minutes of my life. The thought itself was not depressing, and the actions we committed were not depressing either, rather, quite good :P. But even so... I know why you invited me over. I can see between the lines. You only text me when you are horny. You only talk to me when your dick tells you too. You won't stop until you get it. You, my friend, are a sick person. You invite me over to hang out "for a few hours", and I after I pleasure you, you tell me I have to go? 40 minutes of my life... wasted. Even more so. I spent time getting nice for you, I wore good clothes (even if they weren't exactly worn), and I pulled a favor from my Dad to drive me over JUST so you can have your way with me and then tell me to go. Why would you invite me over under the false pretense of a few hours when we don't even hang out for an HOUR?

I want you to know that I walked home. I walked the hour and 15 minutes walk home. You know, it's funny... it took me longer to walk home then it was the total minutes we spent together. And during that walk home, I did not cry, I did not tear, but I did want to rip your throat at. Do you have any consideration at all for other people?

You said we could be friends. Treat me like one. It was ridiculously funny when you told me you were ditching me to see if ANOTHER friend could hang out, one that doesn't do the type of shit we do. And you didn't even tell me you were planning on hanging out with him. If you want to be friends with me, let's actually hang out then. Let's watch a movie or talk about random crap. Do I look like just a tool to you?

I have to call in my judge of character here. You only text me when you are horny. You don't talk to me at school, in fact I saw you avoid me after school when I was with Jo. You invited me over just so I can fool around with you.

Please tell me... why do I like you? Why do I still get butterflies when I see your face walking by? Why do I cringe in glee everytime I see your adorable smile? Why do I wake up and fall asleep, with you the last thing on my mind?

The sad thing is, I can't get off these tracks that are pushing me in the wrong direction. I still like you.

Even through all the shit you put me through, you're still the only person that I have truly felt this way about for. It fucking sucks the feelings aren't mutual.

It sucks.