Tonight, I am thinking I should be in bed.

I hate that I stay up this late but I don't really care.

So I am watching ATWT on Youtube and it's basically the best soap opera ever. I love every single minute of it. I must say that it has given me a lot of confidence. After long thinking over the christmas holidays, I may have another fact to list under things

I am also thinking about how I really got fucked in my firsts. I always wanted my first kiss to be something special. Well, now that I look back, I realize it wasn't special. I was being used. I abstained from kissing people because I wanted my first kiss to MEAN SOMETHING. All it meant was a kiss and then a diss.

And I will never get that kiss back.

I hate how I let myself go then. Moreso, I hate the person that did it to me. I told you exactly how I felt about it before you kissed me, and YOU STILL USED ME.

I don't think you even think about it that much, ruining someone's memory like that. Tarnishing it, throwing it away as it was nothing but GARBAGE.

And yet I still get butterflies when I see you.